Confusion...UGH

Ok, let me fill you in on what his been happening this past week...I have been restricted from the internet, so I haven't been able to blog lately, but I am now and, boy, do I have a lot to say.

From the title, you can probably tell that I am very confused...that's obvious...what you may not know is that I am confused because of a boy...two boys...Matt and Matt...no, the names are not what is confusing me. The first Matt, I shall refer to as Matthew, the second, as Matt, to eliminate as much confusion as possible...careful now, this trip can get a little bit like a maze.


Anywho, it all started out when I went to dance class one night...I danced with Matthew all night and by the end of the night, I was definitely crushing on him. The next time I saw him, I was falling for him even more then the first night, if such a thing was possible, so, I offered to let him read my story, just as casual conversation. He said he would love to and I wrote down the website for him on a piece of paper...along with my number. When I saw him next, he didn't seem that awkward around me. When I brought up the note in the conversation, he assured me he would call and tell me what he thought about the story. He smiled when he said it. So, me being the foolish little fourteen year old girl that I am, believed him. I have gone to two dance classes since then, and at neither of them was he present. And, what a surprise, no phone call. Now here is where Matt comes into the picture. Sara tried to set my up with Matt when we first went there...not really a blind date sort of thing, she just told me over and over again how much I would love him, seeing as he was a gentleman in all ways, he's funny, and handsome. So I went along with it. He seemed alright as a friend, but that was all...or so I thought. This past dance class, I was worrying myself silly about Matt not being there, and so I was hiding from the rest of the people, no longer in the mood to dance as I had been just hours before. I only danced with one person willingly, and that was Matt. I don't know why, but for some reason, I trusted him above all the young men in the room. When we danced, we could actually talk and we got into some very interesting conversations about love and men and women...and we laughed. As soon as that happened of course, a quote came to mind that I wanted so desperately to push away, but it came into my head anyway. "Love is the boy that can make you laugh when you don't even want to smile." My mind was racing. I couldn't be in love with Matt, could I? I was in love with Matthew, wasn't I? Every single piece of evidence I could find against my feelings was accompanied by a question. It would be so much easier to sort through this if I were to see them more often, but I only speak to them every other Friday. Anyway, I'm rambling...there's also something else going on with boys, but it's a little too personal to talk about here...anyway, I guess I'll blog something later when I've sorted through all of this.

BYL!!
~Rachel