I JUST WANT TO BE WITH MY FAMILY!!!!

Okay, from now on, when I talk about my family, I'm talking about my real family, my church. If I'm reffering to my biological family, I'll call them my parents or my brother. I refuse to call them a family.

That being said, I need to spend some time with my family. I'm going to see some of them tomorrow, which I'm sooooo grateful for, but I need to think of a way to get all of our family back together. The church is my family. It's the only place I feel like I belong, and I know it is where I belong. But this mess of seperating it as much as they possibly can is just stupid!! And then with Huffmans leaving the church, we've lost not just Megen, and not just Renee, and not just Hannah, and not just Ms. Tara...but we lost all of them. Four members of our family, gone...all because somebody decided that a divided church is a better church. I don't agree with that logic, and I never will.

Also, change has become my mortal enemy. I hate it. If something isn't broke, don't fix it, but people always think it's neccesary to change things. Like our classes. We could've had combined classes one Sunday, and kept the Wednes day class like it was...but no, they had to go and screw up the Wednesday night classes, and cancel the Sunday classes all together. It's dispicible! And then they have the nerve to say that it was our choice, and that we wanted that. All they are is liars and I won't stand for it.

Oh well, I'm too upset to blog anymore...anyway, I'm looking forward to talking to Megan personally tomorrow anyway. Until then, dear sisters.

Heart Vs. Mind

My mind and my heart a having an epic war against one another. I continuously watch them battle day after day, coming no closer to agreement. I picture this scene in my head. (note: this scene, if read in a heroic-sounding declaration, may frighten small children)


Heart: (lost in poetic thoughts, as my heart so often is) Her true love, Her prince, coming to sweep her off her feet…her first love…(sighs)
Mind: (rudely interrupting my hearts poetic thoughts) She doesn’t need a majestic prince to come and sweep her off her feet. She needs to focus on the other parts of her life, mainly school and church. He says ‘Majestic Prince’ as though it’s a bad thing
Heart: But does not she need some kind of protection from the world, someone to hold her close, and make her feel like all the world is right?
Mind: She has no time for such things. She is far too busy. A boyfriend would only distract her. Even a slight crush would be absolutely unacceptable.
Heart: On the contrary, she needs just that. Something to distract her, to take her mind off of her studies…eyes that she could easily get lost in, a tender touch equal to that of a story book prin-
Mind: (losing patience) Love, shmove! There is not a man in the world that could live up to the expectations of such a fairytale.
Heart: Ah, but it is your own selfish reasoning that is keeping her from finding such a man. How on earth is she ever to ‘fall’ in love if one half of her refuses to let her fall?
Mind: My selfish reasonings?!?! (appalled) I am doing this for her own good!! If you, singularly, were to govern her life, who knows how many times she would’ve fallen with no one to catch her…how many times she would’ve gotten hurt.
Heart: You are overprotecting her. You must let her fall, or she has no way of ever knowing how to pick herself up. What is to happen if she does fall in love? It will pull her in directions she has no knowledge of. And then, God forbid, he is to leave her alone…heartbroken. How is she to cope then? If we do not let her fall now, she will only be hurt more when future instances occur! Now what have you to say??
Mind: We will be there to help her if she should fall, but I for one, am sure she can handle her life as it is now. How are we to know how she will do if she is to fall under the influence of love? She may not be able to handle the stress.
Heart: Coward!! She is a strong girl. If not for your protection, she could’ve bounced back many times by now, and been used to it.
Mind: If not for my protection, she would’ve become emotionless by now. She would’ve fallen so many times, she would be uncertain as to whether real love was out there, or if only temporary infatuation remained. She has thanked me for my services in the past, she will be equally grateful now, and in the future.
Heart: She has never wanted such things. But now she is different. She will blame you. A man cannot love a woman that refuses to let herself love. If she loses love for lack of trying, she will turn to you. She will know that you are to blame for her hesitation to love.
Mind: Do not insult me that she would ever turn away from me!!! I have been her trusted resource from day one!!! You are but a mere aquaintance to her. She has only started to realize in the past few months true matters of the heart.
Heart: But even when she has only known me for a short time, she still will trust my judgment over yours. There is one reason. It is what she wants. She agrees with me, even when everything you are telling her contradicts it. She has not one reason, in her own thoughts, that she should be loath to listen to my teachings. She is intrigued by my expressive ways, and daring thoughts. I have captured her in a way that you, nor her, understand. A girl her age cannot possibly forsake matters of the heart to listen to her mind. She is growing tired of your ‘wise’ advice. She desires a chance to live on the edge. To do what she wants, because she wants to do it. As you are holding her back from that, she despises you

At this point in the scene, Mind grows overly angry and lunges at Heart. It is at this point also that I cannot bear to watch any longer, and so turn away.





And so you see my dilemma? As Heart said, I want love. But as Mind said, I don’t need it. It is all a matter of what I want to do, and I what I should do. The kind of decisions I’ve never been very good at, to be honest. Hopefully, putting my thoughts down on paper will help decide which path to follow. Ah, well.


This is First Mate MiniMeg, wishing you fair winds and a following sea. (and far less confusion than I am enduring right now)

"How I Feel" THE MUSICAL

Well, I am much happier after my prayer session with Meggie, and my thought session with Daddy...I'm not sure how to explain just how I feel with words, so I guess I'll just have to find a song that wraps it all up...hmmmmmmmm....*thinking*.............................*more thinking*.............................*Frustrated thinking*..............................*DING!!!*...

*GASP!!*...I've got it!!!


Bring on the Rain: JoDee Messina

Bring On The Rain Lyrics

OOOOHHHHHHH!!...one more

Happy Girl: Martina McBride

Happy Girl Lyrics

Captain's Not Gone

I was sitting on my bed thinking of the tragedy our family has dealt with the past few weeks. Something I had never thought of before occured to me, in these words exactly..."A friendship interrupted, but never broken." These hope-filled words are no doubt the work of my Father. His wisdom compares to none, and only he could've possibly come up with such a wonderous phrase for what I and many others are going through at the present time. I do hope, dear Captain, that, reading these words, you shall find in them the same comfort that I did whilst I sat contemplating. I do wish for you to be back with us, but even if it is not included within our Father's great storyline, I pray that you will find happiness whenever the need arises, and that God will keep his hand upon you in this confusing and conflicting time. Where ever you go, know that I will always be there for you...the bond that has formed between us can not be severed by even the sharpest of swords. Remember this...always.

Missin' Meggie

Right now I am missing my dear captain. It seems to be all I can do not to burst into tears at the thought of her. I have on occasion done this, which is why I mentioned it. Luckily, she will be with us tonight in class, but 'tis just not the same. I understand now why she left, what with all the confusion and conflict with big-head. I will not honor him so as to capitalize his well deserved nickname. I write this with haste, seeing as I will soon be leaving my room and returning once again to my safe haven. It begins to seem a scarier place without my beloved Captain, and sister there with me. I will try my best to make it through, for her sake. She has told me multiple times that she does not wish emotional suffering on anyone. My heart goes out tonight to our fearless leader, Mrs. Brown. She seems the only one right now, realizing the intensity of the situation...and the pain it has caused. I fear I am soon to be on silent terms with big-head, if he keeps up the way is doing now. However, it will be very hard to sever all aquaintance, as I could not possibly think of not speaking to his daughter, the woderful Sara. I speak very highly of her, because she saved me when I was at the deepest darkest part of my life. She has taught me so many valuble things...mainly this..."Hugs don't stop the tears...they just change the reason for them." Alas I must go, for my father is standing in the doorway looking down upon me. I beleive it is time to return for the church. I have only one last question.

How can someone hurt another human being, and then look you in the eyes and deny it the very next day?

Until our paths cross again,
First Mate MiniMeg

~Big-Head ye be warned...

Alas, I shall write this in the most Piratey-Ninja terms I can think of given the state of my depression. Fearless Captain, if you happen to be reading this, let it be known that from this hour, on this day, I shall cast my worries aside and stick up courageously for my captain and her home clan as well. Together, we shall defeateth the infamous Big-Head and foil his plans to ruin our family forever. I can't go losing three of my sisters, now, can I? The church is the best family I have, and here lately seems to be the only one. Mark my words...I shall fight for as long as it takes to end this mess. I submit that here now, that is what we all must do. I say again, to my brave captain, and her fearless followers...Hoist the colors!...We are poised for battle and we WILL NOT abandon hope. No cause is lost if there is but one fool left to fight for it. We are not fools. But be warned. We will fight!!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


And we will win.

Big-Head...ye be warned!!!


This is First Mate MiniMeg wishing you fair winds and a followin' sea