Ups and Downs...

I have had on overly tiring week. I've gone from singing at the peak of a mountain to crying at the bottom of a pit. I'm really having to learn to put my everything in God. I can't do this all by myself, and as much as I don't like feeling hopeless, the depression is so much worse. I'd much rather stand on top of the world with him at my side than to try and do it alone.

Churches and Wildflowers...

Hello again! As you very well know, (or should very well know) Mother's Day was yesterday. First, I went to PGCC, since that's where I always go for Sunday school and I wasn't going to be able to stay for service. Then my family came and picked me up and we all went to Gregory Memorial. What a joy. Not! I mean, yes, overall, they are not a bad church. And maybe old people who can't stand any noise at all think it's just the loveliest church they've ever been to. However, I think I'll stick with the funny pastor, the giggling youth group, the chattering toddlers, and the singing congregation that I have come to know and love. In fact, if I have any choice at all in the matter, I am never leaving that church. I want to stay there for the rest of my life and raise my children in that church. But that's kind of skipping off the subject.

Anyway, after that, my family(along with my Grandma) went to Tripps. This is a really nice restaurant that served fresh bread with some kind of olive oil dip and poppy seed muffins with honey butter...haha...and that was just the appetizer. I won't go into detail on the whole meal, though. When we finished our meal, we drove home. I'm guessing we took my Grandma back to her house and then went home, but I wouldn't know, because I was in a semi-coma in the back seat until we got back home. Then I went in my room and fell asleep some more. Haha. When I woke up, it was cool outside and just right for going for a long walk. So I walked through my neighborhood, singing "The Best Day" by Taylor Swift the whole while. Then I went down Merchant's Hope where I found a couple patches of wildflowers. They were little, but if I had a lot of them they were very pretty. I kept walking until I had found about six different types of flowers. White, yellow, purple, pink, you name it. I gathered them all up and walked back home. When I got home, I put the flowers in a vase and set the vase on my mom's nightstand. She thanked me and I gave her a hug and told her that I loved her and she told me the same. I went to bed yesterday with a smile on my face and I woke up happy. Definitely a good day!

~Rachel

New Chapters!!!

Ok, for any of you who have been waiting for new chapters on my story blog, here they are!! I've just posted two new ones, under the titles, "20 Questions" and "Peace After a Storm"...the site address, in case you didn't already know, is alitragedy.blogspot.com. Feel free to stop by any time you're bored and looking for something to read...or if you actually want to check out some of my work...whatever floats your boat, I guess. Anyway, the chapters of from Milly's and Niki's Point of View, so if you like those characters, these are chapters for you. If you want to know anything else about them, you'll have to go read them yourself, silly! Yeah, I have to get in bed, so I'll blog more later!

BYL!

~Rachel

PS-There's a new twist!!

Lonely Night

I am feeling very lonely at the moment. I'm kinda having a bad week right now, and I'm convinced that a good tight hug from a close friend would turn it around, but alas, there is no one to even talk to right now. Oh well. I guess I don't have to talk to people right now. But I warn you now, the next good friend to cross my path is getting a hug...no questions.

I know what I can do to put an end to my loneliness. I shall make a list of things going on in my life...(Feel free to skip the rest of this post...haha)

School:

We have SOLs this week and interims come out Friday...joy

Crystal has been out sick, but she's coming back tomorrow and we're going to talk then

It's teacher appreciation week, so let your teachers know you love 'em!!

Church:

ugh...not happening often enough...really, I would be perfectly happy if we had church every night...I would come!

Last Sunday, I got to see a bunch of pics from Teen Game Night, which I wasn't allowed to go to...darn public school...and that was fun.

Friends:

Sara is busy with schoolwork, so she's not posting anything recently

Crystal has been sick, but she's recovering

I'm talking to Alison a lot more, which I haven't been doing before now...(I think I might be starting to bug her with my texting, though)

Matt and I talked about the subject of my previous post at dance class on Friday and we were both very happy

Dancing:

I think I've redeemed myself from last week's tripping episode at dance class, because I danced quite well this time...still a few mistakes, but I'm getting it

We learned a new step for the Cha-Cha, which I'm finding difficult to master...I can never seem to spin when I'm supposed to...darn feet

We are continuing to have weekly dance sessions just before classes on Sunday...haha...brilliant, absolutely brilliant!

Family:

My mom and I are doing better...we have our good days and our bad.

We've had a major change in our house that I'm not really comfortable discussing here

I used to wish that my dad would keep his promises...I had no idea it would feel this strange when he actually did

I guess that's it. It didn't really help with my loneliness, but I guess I'll just have to figure something out. Oh well.

BYL...

~Rachel

Amazing Words...

Okay, I have a lot to say, so I'm just going to start from the beginning. Here goes...

On my way home from school today, I was doing a lot of thinking. I've been reading this book called The Wild Girls by Pat Murphy, and it's a really great book with some really great ideas. One of those ideas is to look at the subtext of things. The text is what is happening in a situation. The subtext is what is really happening in a situation. Another idea in the book is to ask questions. It's the only way to figure out what's true and what's not. This is what got me thinking. So as I was thinking, I remembered something that Alison said to me when I was talking to her and her mom Tuesday. I remembered that she said that a lot of times, people have what she calls demon attacks, where the devil gets ahold of them and they're just not themselves. And I thought maybe if I could just sit down and talk to my mom, I could figure out what she was really like. Then maybe I would have something to remember when she has one of her "demon attacks." Maybe it wouldn't work, but I knew I wanted to try.

I walked into the living room while my brother went off to watch television in the other room. At first, I was terrified, but I knew that if I didn't do it now, I would just go another night wondering if things could ever get better. So I asked her if we could just talk and she said sure. I sat down in the chair next to her, but the lamp was between us, so we couldn't see each other's face. That might not've been what I was supposed to do, but I was too chicken to look at her and say what I had to say.

We talked about a lot of stuff. We talked about the reason her and my dad argue. We talked about why we don't get along. We talked about my writing and how we both were feeling. I had to keep reminding myself, "Say what you really mean. That's the only way she'll know how you feel." I figured out that this whole time, we've both wanted the same thing. We both just hated the fact that we weren't close and we wanted to get closer. We promised each other that we're going to start talking more. I told her to let me know if I'm doing anything to hurt her and she told me the same thing. It really was amazing.

So, long story short, the questions got their answers and the subtext became the text. And It definitely worked for the better. Praise God for answered prayers, and for giving me the strength to fix things. I'm giving him the glory for all of it.

~Rachel

Home is where the heart is...

...so what if that's not always your actual house? I guess it's not a bad thing, as long as you have a place you call home, right? I think that's right. I mean, not everyone likes being at home. I just happen to be one of those weirdos that would rather be at church on a Saturday night than sitting at home relaxing...yeah...I guess I'll just always be weird like that. The point of this post I guess is to just say that a house is not always a home...because home is where your heart is...

Idk...I've been thinkin' again

~Rachel

I'm Coming Back

One of very few songs I've written...enjoy!


Sometimes I fell like nothing I do is enough
And the only way to survive is to be tough
My parents and my teachesr and my friends don't understand
I need someone that cares enough to help me stand

So I'm comin' back
To you
Cause I know that you're the one that's gonna help me make it through
I'll carry on
Cause I know that you're the one that gonna let me move on
And forget about my past
Your love is gonna last
So I'm comin' back

You've seen my on the darkest days
And you've heard me when I didn't know what to say
You know I've been so close to givin' up
And the thing that's kept me going is your neverending love

So I'm comin' back
To you
Cause I know that you're the one that's gonna help me make it through
I'll carry on
Cause I know that you're the one that's gonna let me move on
And forget about my past
Your love is gonna last
So I'm comin' back

I'm gonna forget about my past
I'm not gonna look back
I'm gonna make my life mean somethin' before I see it all fly past

And I'm comin' back
To you
Cause I know that you're the one that's gonna help me make it through
And I'll carry on
Cause I know that you're the one that's gonna let me move on
And I'll forget about my past
Because your love is gonna last forever
I'm comin'
Back

I'm comin' back
I'm comin' back

There you have it...comment and tell me what you think!

BYL!

~Rachel